President Howard W. Hunter taught that a father's "leadership of
the family is his most important and sacred responsibility" and the
"family is the most important unit in time and in eternity and, as such,
transcends every other interest in life."(Being a Righteous Husband and
Father, Ensign, Nov. 1994.)
In this chapter, we will discuss the five fundamental principles of
fathering: to preside, partner, be present, provide and protect.
To Preside
"The Family: A Proclamation to the World" states, "By
divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and
righteousness." First, fathers are directed to take upon themselves the
responsibility of spiritual leadership in family life as part of a loving
Eternal Father's plan for family functioning. Second, a father's responsibility
to preside occupies the first and foremost duty among the varied obligations
that rest upon men in family life. Third, the manner in which a father is to
exercise spiritual quittance among family members is explicitly articulated:
"in love and righteousness." As children grow older, positive
involvement by fathers is strongly associated with fewer behaviors involving
externalizing (negative actions) and internalizing (negative emotions). Both
boys and girls who have positively involved fathers show higher social
competence and experience fewer problems in school. (Mosley & Thomson,
1995) Father who embrace the principle that fathering means "to preside...
in love and righteousness"have an anchoring principle and a spiritual
focus for their fathering efforts designed to bless the children and families
they love.
To Partner
Parenthood is a partnership. In other words, when any individual
becomes a parent, he or she also enters into a community of relationships.
Raising a child is an individual journey, but it is also a community journey, a
relational partnership across generations as fathers and mothers, grandparents,
aunts and uncles, teachers, coaches, pastors, and parent's friends all work
together in rearing a child to responsible adulthood. For fathers, being aware
of and attentive to these relationships is critical to raising a child.
Partnering with a child's mother. Research indicates that a healthy,
satisfying marriage is a fathering "force multiplier" for men, which
helps father be more involved with their children, more confident in their
parenting skills, more satisfied in their paternal efforts, and more sensitive
to the needs of children.
Partnering with the child. Becoming a father necessarily means entering
into a continuing relationship of care and involvement with the child. Children
come into life with their own personalities and preferences, and thus it is
important to remember that this is a two-way relationship in which children and
fathers mutually influence each other in their development, not simply a
relationship in which all influences flows from the father to the child.
President Howard W. Hunter advised that the fathers should give children
"time and presence in their in their social, educational, and spiritual
activities and responsibilities" and provide "tender expressions of
love and affection toward children."
Partnering with others in the child's life. Beyond partnering with
a child's mother and the child, fathers conduct the generative work of
fathering within a broader system of relationships. Children are born into the
world with many family ties: father, mother, siblings, and grandparents, among
others. These extended family ties are critical in providing support to
fathers, as it has been suggested that fathering is more sensitive to
contextual and relationship influences than mothering. (Responsible Fathering
by Doherty, Kouneski, & Erickson, 1998)
To Be Present
Parenting requires presence. While a parent does not need to be
constantly present to care for children, a parent's presence is a fundamental
requirement if he is to meet children's needs and build a lasting parent-child
bond. A fundamental principle of fathering that meets the need is to be present
in a child's life and consciousness, to be available and aware of a child's
needs such that he or she develops in an atmosphere of security and love. A
primary reason that being present is crucial to responsible fathering is that,
simply, children need the presence and support of caring adults from the time
of birth onward. A child's dependence, both physically and psychologically, on
parents fashions a relationship in which fathers must willingly accept the
moral obligation to provide their children a secure atmosphere and be
responsive to daily needs and desires. Though there are many things a child
needs, the greatest need of any child is security. A sense of security is
perhaps the most fundamental of all human needs in a variety of ways, but it is
primary and intensive for children.
To Provide
Parents are to "provide for their physical and spiritual
needs" and, fathers in particular are "responsible to provide the
necessities of life and protection for their families." (The Family:
A Proclamation to the World.)
One of the fundamental aspects of life in mortality is that we as human
beings have material needs (food, clothing, shelter,) and that we must manage
limited resources, time, and energy. To be a good father, is often equated with
being a good provider. The archetypes pattern for family life that God set
forth in His instructions to Adam and Eve emphasizes work to provide for one's
family, as God told Adam that "in the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat
bread," and sent him "to till the ground from whence he was
taken." (Genesis 3:19)
The principle of providing for one's family as a father recognizes that
each man as "a steward over his own property," is "accountable
unto God" for that stewardship, and should administer those resources in a
manner that "is sufficient for himself and his family."
To Protect
"Fathers are responsible to provide... protection for their
families." (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)
Each person born into this world begins a journey that is often attended
by confusion, challenges, and personal risks. The external world of stresses
and threats to well-being sometimes intrudes upon the immediate world of family
life and preparing them over time for the external world that they will have to
navigate as they grow. The ultimate protective figure is the Savior, Jesus
Christ, who protects and heals His children from death, sin, and suffering as
they come unto Him.
Perhaps the most important aspect of protecting children occurs as
fathers model appropriate and righteous behavior in their own actions and
choices. A variety of protection benefits accrues to children as fathers behave
well and model positive choice. Other important aspects include, mentoring
them to develop skills and knowledge needed for making their own choices in
life and monitor the environments and behaviors of their children.
Fathers have the ability, for good or ill, to
exercise great power and influence in the lives of their children and families.
Power alone, however is not what a father truly needs, nor does he need only
the ability to influence and direct a child's life, thoughts, and feelings. A
father needs the power to bless, which might be called "power in
righteousness."Men do not bless by the mere exercise of peer. They bless
only by the exercise of power in righteousness. This is especially true of the
exercise of priesthood power. To be a holy figure in the life of a child, in
the life of a family, requires an association with powers that exist beyond our
own mortal abilities. Power in righteousness comes only as we associate
ourselves through prayer and sacred living with the powers of heaven.
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