"Honoring Marital Vows with Complete Fidelity," by Scott Gardner and Christian Greiner (Chapter 6)

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it states that "God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife" and that they should... "honor marital vows with complete fidelity." We sometimes consider this to be directed towards adultery however being completely faithful to your partner requires much more than just avoiding adultery.

We marry with the understanding that we will give ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sin. We show our faithfulness to God by loving him with all our "heart, might, mind and strength" (D&C 4:2) We show fidelity to our spouse in the same ways. Indeed, our spouse in the only other being besides God whom we are commanded to love with all our heart.

The Prevalence of Marital Infidelity

It is not hard to think that there is so much more of this going on in the world today. With media, all that we see or hear about is celebrities, athletes, politicians, etc. According to research from the National Marriage Project (2009), 21 percent of married men and 14 percent of married women in 2000 report ever being unfaithful to their spouse. This research indicates that this number has not increased over the past 20 years.

A Typology of Infidelity

Infidelity can be categorized based on the type of involvement (emotional or physical) and the level of relational attachment (attached or detached). Based on these, there appears to be 4 general types of infidelity: fantasy, visual, romantic, and sexual.

Consequences of Infidelity

There are spiritual consequences associated with all types of infidelity. Elder Richard G. Scott has warned, "Intimate acts are forbidden by the Lord outside... of marriage because they undermine His purpose... When experienced any other way, they are against His will. They cause serious emotional and spiritual harm." (Making the Right Choices, by Richard G. Scott, October General Conference in 1994)

Infidelity is one of the leading factors in divorce; infidelity produces traumatic impacts on the spouse who was cheated on and turns one's world upside down. Children whose parents have been unfaithful also tend to be confused and disillusioned, and at times also experience despair.

Factors Associated with Infidelity

Research suggests that interpersonal factors include: ever being divorced, use of drugs or alcohol, having permissive attitudes about extramarital relationships and having low religiosity and low church attendance. Interpersonal factors include: marital instability, inequality in marital relations, cohabiting before marriage, personality differences, dishonesty, arguments about trust, and less time spent with one's spouse. With regard to the interpersonal factors, it is important to realize that dissatisfaction in marriage does not by itself result in infidelity. Infidelity has less to do with the state of a marriage and more to do with the individual. It is often a result of a personal transformation that has taken place within an individual's nature.

Preventing Marital Infidelity

Infidelity is not primarily about love, sex, or attraction; it is about boundaries-where we draw the line. Therapist, Dr. Shirley Glass (2003) backs this up with the analogy of walls and windows. In an extramarital affair, people put up walls in their own marriage and open the window to others outside the marriage. Instead, we must know how to put up appropriate walls to protect our marriages from outside influences and open the window of love and communication within our marriage.

Repairing Marriage after Infidelity

70 percent, stay together and attempt to work it out, despite one of them being unfaithful. So how are these marriages repaired?

Step 1- Rebuild Trust

Step 2- Gain Perspective

Step 3- Repentance and Forgiveness

Step 4- Overcoming Addiction

Step 5- Making the Choice to Stay Together

These are all things that marriages need in order to remain healthy and lasting.


(Successful Marriages and Families, Chapter 6 by Scott Gardner and Christian Greiner)