"Then Comes Marriage," is a blog that's going to be solely on the wonderful thing we all hope to participate in someday... marriage! This website will contain lots of good material from the Presidents of the LDS church, a book titled 'Successful Marriages and Families' by Hawkins, Dollahite and Draper, a couple other resources along with my own personal experiences. The purpose of the blog is to help marriages stay fresh :) Why can't we be in the "honeymoon stage" forever?

Monday, April 1, 2013

"LDS Family Services: Assistance For Unwed Parents and Prospective Adoptive Parents" by Kenneth W. Matheson (Chapter 15)

"Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity."

Most of us know individuals who have had children out of wedlock.  In 2003, there were approximately 1.4 million children born to unmarried women in the United States, which accounted for 1/3 of the total births (US Department of Health and Human Services, 2005).  That figure has continued to rise; in 2007, 40% of children were born to unmarried women.  (McLanahan, Garfinkel, Mincy, & Donahue, 2010).  
One Option:  Abortion.  Abortion of the unborn child may seem to be an option that will erase any pending problems that unmarried parents anticipate.  However, the proclamation "affirms the sanctity of life and its importance in God's eternal plan" (The Family:  A Proclamation To The World).  Elder Russell M. Nelson offered the following counsel:  "When a life is created by sinful behavior, the best way to begin personal repentance is to preserve the life of that child.  To add another serious sin to a serious sin already committed only compounds the grief.  Adoption is a wonderful alternative to abortion.  Both the baby and the adoptive parents can be greatly blessed by the adoption of that baby into a home where the child will be lovingly nurtured and where the blessings of the gospel will be available (Abortion: An Assault On The Defenseless, Ensign October 2008).  
Another Option:  Keeping and rearing the baby.  A pregnant woman may decide to keep and rear her child; few mothers today place their babies for adoption, and abortion rates are declining.  
LDS Family Services and Adoption
LDS Church leaders provide the following counsel:  "When a man and woman conceive a child outside of marriage, every effort should be made to encourage them to marry.  When the probability of a successful marriage is unlikely due to age or other circumstances, the unmarried parents should be counseled to work with LDS Family Services to place the child for adoption, providing an opportunity for the baby to be sealed to temple-worthy parents.  Adoption is an unselfish, loving decision that blesses both the birth parents and the child in this life and in eternity  (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Handbook 2: Administering The Church 2010).
Eventhough there are many excellent adoption agencies, and, in states where private adoptions are legal, there are also other individuals (often doctors or lawyers) who are able to assist a birth mother or father and potential adoptive parents, LDSFS is prepared to assist the individual or couple regardless of their decision; the agency doesn't help only those who choose adoption.  LDSFS staff can provide valuable resources and support during the decision-making process.
LDS Family Services and Prospective Adoptive Parents
One study reported that there are about 2 million couples in the U.S. wanting to adopt a child.  Furthermore, many of these couples would want two or three children, if they were available.  Many will take hard-to-place children with special needs (Bachrach, London, & Maza 1991).  Throughout the adoption process, adoptive parents will experience a variety of emotions, just as the birth parents do.  Couples who discover they cannot have biological children may be in shock; they can't understand how such a thing could happen to them and know they would be great parents.  Some may believe that God is punishing them or that they will conceive if only they exercise sufficient faith.  They may also feel anger, or intense sadness, to the point of mourning the loss of their fertility.  One or both may feel they are responsible for the infertility and its effects on their spouses life.  Although infertile couples may be happy for others who are experiencing pregnancy and childbirth, they also may have difficulty watching others receive blessings they do not enjoy.  Despite other blessings and happiness in their lives, the yearning to be a parent remains unfulfilled.  Sometimes after considerable investments of time, money, emotions, and appointments with specialists and clinics, a couple may reach the point of accepting infertility as part of God's plan for them.  They may then be ready to start thinking about adoption.  Some infertile couples may feel that seeking to adopt is giving up.  They may fear that they will not be able to love an adopted child as much as their own, although from my experience as a social worker, for the large majority of adoptive couples this is not a problem.  The restored gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us who our children are.  President Gordon B. Hinckley said: "Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them, that He was a parent before you were parents and that He has not relinquished His parental rights or interest in these His little ones.  Now, love them, take care of them....rear your children in love, in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, take care of your little ones....welcome them into your homes, and nurture and love them with all of your hearts" (Excerpts from recent addresses of Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign July 1997).  Whether parents conceive and bear children or adopt them, these little ones are the Lord's children first.  We are asked by Heavenly Father to be stewards over the children who come to us.  In this light and by the power of temple ordinances, adopted children sealed to their parents in the temple are their children as much as if they had conceived them.

("LDS Family Services: Assistance For Unwed Parents and Prospective Adoptive Parents" by Kenneth W. Matheson, Chapter 15)

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