"Mothers as Nurturers" by Jenet J. Erickson (Chapter 12)

Sometimes in marriage it can be difficult to figure out what the roles of each other are going to be. For me, as a newly married student, I'm trying to figure out where my role is as the wife. I'm sure that every newly married couple goes through this in deciding what kind of work needs to be done from both spouses. This chapter gave me some comfort in knowing that being a mother in itself is such an important job. I have always known this but the material provided in this chapter reassured me. If I get an education and don't end up getting a job because I choose to be a full time mother, I will be ok with that because I know that is one of the most important callings that anyone can have. And I won't feel like my education is wasted because my schooling will help me be able to help my future children as they grow and mature. I'm thankful for the opportunity to get an education but I'm also thankful for the opportunity to become a mother someday and to know what a special calling that truly is. Here's what I read:

"Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." (Family: Proclamation to the World)

Spencer W. Kimball said, "To be a righteous woman is a glorious thing in any age. To be a righteous woman during the winding up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling. The righteous woman's strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times."

Questions About the Importance of Motherhood

Yesterday my husband called a little bit before lunchtime to check on how we were doing at home. The conversation was more brief that usual because he had a lunch appointment held at a nice restaurant near his office. Bu tit was also interrupted because the toddler sitting at the table in his booster seat knocked a cup of apple juice over, sending juice flying all over himself, the floor- and all over me. When I hung up the phone I began the task of cleaning him off, wiping the sticky juice off the table and floor, and finally changing out of the now sticky sweat pants I had not been able to change out of since early that morning. While kneeling on the floor with a rag in my hand I couldn't help but reflect on the differences between the work my husband was doing and the work I so often did as a mother. I knew in my mind that caring for children mattered, but honestly, it was hard to see what could possibly be so important about changing diapers, wiping noses, cleaning muddy feet, and all the other hundreds of mundane chores that seemed to make up my daily life. I reflected on the bachelor's and master's degree I had received and couldn't help but wonder how after all that preparation I ended up on the floor with a rag in my hand wiping up juice spilled by a toddler. Hadn't I been prepared to do something more significant? Something that would really make a lasting difference? (Personal communications with the author)

Although scientific evidence has continued to demonstrate the importance of a mother's care, motherhood has been questioned and devalued in the broader culture. A survey of a nationally representative sample of mothers in the U.S. in 2005 found that fewer than half of mothers (48 percent) felt appreciated most of the time, and almost 20 percent said they felt less valued by society when they became a mother. As a result, they may feel pressured to invest their talents and energies in work that they perceive to be more valued by the larger culture. 

Historical Causes for Questions about the Importance of Motherhood

In some ways these dilemmas were a predictable response to the dramatic changes of industrialization and urbanization in the 19th century. Prior to industrialization, mothers and fathers worked side by side to build their household economy, represented in the family farm of small artisan shop. With industrialization, the work of production moved outside the home, creating a split between work and home. Mothers alone became the primary socializers, educators, and caregivers of their children. This meant that women's role in the home would be inflexibly defined and put the view that women were dependent of their husbands. Also, the modern era valued an orientation toward individualism and consumerism that also devalued women's role of nurturing children. 

Prophetic Teachings about the Importance of Motherhood

A First Presidency statement in 1942 declared: "Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels. (Messages of the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Vol. 6, James R. Clark) The calling of motherhood has been identified as the most ennobling endowment God could give His daughters, "as divinely called, as eternally important in its place as the priesthood itself." (Our Wives and Our Mothers in the Eternal Plan, by J. Rueben Clark, Relief Society Magazine, Dec. 1946) In the words of President Spencer W. Kimball, "Mothers have a sacred role. They are partners with God, as well as with their own husbands, first in giving birth to the Lord's spirit children, and then in rearing those children so they will serve the Lord and keep his commandments."(The blessings and Responsibilities of Womanhood, by President Kimball, Ensign, March 1976.) "The countless acts of of selfless service mothers perform are recognized as expressions of the highest love and noblest of womanly feelings." (A Message to my Granddaughters by J.E. Faust, Sept. 1986 Ensign.)

Elder Bruce C. Hafen and Sister Marie K. Hafen explained, "Just as a mother's body may be permanently marked with the signs of pregnancy and childbirth, the Savior said, 'I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands' (1 Nephi 21:15-16). For both a mother and the Savior, those marks memorialize a wrenching sacrifice- the sacrifice of begetting life-for her, physical birth; for him, spiritual rebirth." ("Eve Heard All These Things and Was Glad" by B.C. Hafen and M.K. Hafen, 1994)

Elder Robert D. Hales further clarified, "The world would state that a woman is in a form of servitude that does not allow her to develop her gifts and talents." He added, "Motherhood is the ideal opportunity for lifelong learning. A mother's learning grows as she nurtures the child in his or her development years. They are both learning and maturing together at a remarkable pace. It's exponential, not linear.... In the process  of rearing her children, a mother studies such topics as child development; nutrition; health care; physiology; psychology; nursing with medical research and care; and educational tutoring in many diverse fields such as math, science, geography, literature, English, and foreign languages. She develops gifts such as music, athletics, dance, and public speaking. The learning examples could continue endlessly." (The Journey of Lifelong Learning, by R.D. Hales, August 2009 BYU Devotional).

An Exploration of Effective Mothering

President David O. McKay declared: "Motherhood is the creates potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother's image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child's mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world."(Gospel Ideas; Selections from the discourses of David O. McKay, 1953)

The Goals of Effective Mothering

*Perserving Life. From the moment of her child's birth, a mother faces the realization that a fragile life depends on her. The physical connection inherent in the biological relationship between mother and child seems to make mothers particularly sensitive to responsibility for the child's protection and well-being. 

*Nurturing growth and development. One of the primary ways mothers nurture growth and development  is through helping create an environment of safety, peace and learning. Another way is through the emotion work they perform to maintain and strengthen individual well-being and family relations. And the third way is simply through teaching. Mothers are the most important influence on intellectual development and children's learning because they often spend the most time with the child. 

Eldar Ballard taught, "There is no perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family... Whats matters is that a mother loves her chidden deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else." (Daughters of God by Elder Ballard, Ensign of May 2008)

(Mothers as Nurturers by Jenet J. Erickson, Chapter 12 in Successful Marriages and Families.)