Virtually everyone desires a healthy,
stable marriage, but when a person's marriage does not fit that description, he
or she may consider divorce. Researchers have estimated that 40 to 50 percent
of first marriages are ending in divorce in the United States. One estimate
is that 25 to 30 percent of Latter-day Saint couples who regularly attend
Church experience a divorce.
Spiritual
Counsel on Divorce
Marriage is ordained of God and central
to our spiritual and temporal well-being. Accordingly, ancient and modern
prophets have provided important counsel on marriage and divorce.
In the celestial law of marriage, God
has commanded us to remain together and keep our marriages strong, even when
that means we must partake of some of the bitter fruits of life together. In
our day, latter-day prophets and apostles have provided valuable clarifications
and counsel regarding divorce. President Gordon B. Hinckley said: "There
is now and again a legitimate cause for divorce. I am not one to say that it is
never justified. But I say without hesitation that this plague among us is not
of God." (Standing for Something:
Ten neglected virtues that will heal our hearts and homes, by Gordon B.
Hinckley, 2000.) In 2007, Elder Dallin H. Oaks explained: "Because of the
'hardness of our hearts' the Lord does not currently enforce the consequences
of the celestial standard of marriage. He permits divorced persons to marry
again." In addition, Elder Oaks taught that "when a marriage is dead
and beyond hope of resurrection, it is needful to have a means to end
it."He also explained that when one spouse abandons the other, the option
of divorce allows an innocent spouse to remarry. (Divorce by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, May 2007 Ensign)
As we explore President Faust's cousel,
we find 3 basic steps that he asks us to consider when pondering divorce. These
are his 3 steps of counsel:
1. Allow time for deciding about divorce.
The first part of President Faust's test is that only prolonged marital
difficulties should lead a couple to contemplate divorce. By this we believe
President Faust counsels that spouses should not seek a divorce without a
lengthy period of time to attempt to repair or reduce serious problems.
2. Try to resolve problems before deciding to
divorce. The second part of the test is directly related to the first.
The marital relationship must reach the point where it is apparently
irredeemable. By this we believe President Faust means that there appears to be
little hope for repairing the marital relationship. This determination requires
that sincere and sustained efforts have been made to understand and fix the
problem.
3. Divorce, dignity, and well-being. The
third part of the test is that the relationship has deteriorated to the point
that it threatens to destroy the dignity of one or both spouses. By this we
believe President Faust means that the marital problems have become serious
enough over a period of time an individual begins to lose his or her sense of
worth.
Elder Bruce C. Hafen taught: "life
is hard and full of problems-wolves. Dealing with the wolves is central for
life's purpose. For a husband and wife to deal with the wolves together
is central to the purpose of marriage." (Fathers, mothers, marriage, by Elder James E. Faust, August 2004
Ensign.)
The three-part test that President Faust
offers to determine just cause for ending our marital covenants is a high standard
by contemporary secular ethics. Such a high standard is best understood in
light of God's eternal plan for His children.
The
Best Course
Elder Oaks echoing earlier teachings of
President Hinckley, provided challenging but needed counsel: Now I speak to
married members, especially to any who may be considering divorce. I strongly
urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage
problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not
incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation, but
reformation... Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a
precious living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not
give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again.
The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will
help us and heal us. Latter-day Saint spouses should do all within their power
to preserve their marriages." (Divorce by
Elder Dallin H. Oaks, May 2007 Ensign)
(Successful
Marriages and Families, Chapter 8, by Alan J. Hawkins and Tamara A.
Fackrell)
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