"Then Comes Marriage": "Your Happily Ever After" by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Friday, April 5, 2013

"Your Happily Ever After" by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I have decided to post this talk given by Elder Uchtdorf because it has always been one that has stuck out to me. In this talk he talks about achieving our own "Happily Ever After" which comes through marriage. I hope you enjoy this talk as much as I have. This talk is provided on LDS.org and is now a book that you can by as well. I won't be putting all of it on here but I highly suggest that you read the whole thing because it is all so good!

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"Heavenly Father offers to you the greatest gift of all-eternal life-and the opportunity and infinite blessing of your own "happily ever after."

.... In most languages there exists a phrase as magical and full of promise as perhaps any in the world. That phrase is "Once upon a time."

Aren't those wonderful words to begin a start? "Once upon a time" promises something: a story of adventure and romance, a story of princesses and princes. It may include tales of courage, hope, and everlasting love. In many of these stories, nice overcomes mean and good overcomes evil. But perhaps most of all, I love it when we turn to the last page and our eyes reach the final lines and we see the enchanting words "And they lived happily ever after."

Isn't that what we all desire: to be the heroes and heroines of our own stories; to triumph over adversity; to experience life in all its beauty; and, in the end, to live happily ever after?

.... In your Young Women Personal Progress book, you will find these words: "You are a beloved daughter of Heavenly Father, prepared to come to the earth at this particular time for a sacred and glorious purpose."

...His love for you is so great that He has granted you this earthly life as a precious gift of "once upon a time," complete with you own true story of adventure, trial, and opportunities for greatness, nobility, courage, and love. ... Heavenly Father offers to you the greatest gift of all- eternal life- and the opportunity and infinite blessing of your own "happily ever after."

But such blessing does not come without a price. It is not given simply because you desire it. It comes only through understanding who you are and what you must become in order to be worthy of such a gift.

Trial is Part of the Journey

For a moment, think back about your favorite fairy tale... You will find one thing all have in common: they must overcome adversity.

... In each of the stories, Cinderella, Belle, and the miller's daughter have to experience sadness and trial before they can reach their "happily ever after." Think about it. Has there ever been a person who did not have to go through his or her own dark valley of temptation, trial, and sorrow?

... The scriptures tell us there must be opposition in all things, for without it we could not discern the sweet from the bitter.

... Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that come in no other way, Our loving Heavenly Father has sent us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy.

... It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life's story will develop.

...If you ever feel your burden is too great to bear, lift you heart to your Heavenly Father, and He will uphold and bless you. He says to you, as He said to Joseph Smith, "Your adversity and your afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if you endure it well, God shall exalt you on high."

Enduring adversity is not the only thing you must do to experience a happy life. Let me repeat: how you react to adversity and temptation is a critical factor in whether or not you arrive at you own "happily ever after."

The Gospel is the Way to Happily Ever After

... "Happily ever after" is not something found only in fairy tales. You can have it! It is available for you! But you must follow you Heavenly Father's map.

Sisters, please embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ! Learn to love your Heavenly Father with all your heart, might, and mind. Fill you souls with virtue, and love goodness. Always strive to bring out the best in yourself and others.

... As an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, I leave you my blessing and give you a promise that as you accept and live the values and principles of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, "you will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessing of exaltation." And the day will come when you turn the final pages of you own glorious story; there you will read and experience the fulfillment of those blessed and wonderful words: "And they lived happily ever after."Of this I testify in the holy name of Jesus Christ, amen.

1 comment:

UnknownJune 4, 2014 at 3:28 PM
Hello "then comes marriage blogger." i love the focus on Successful marriages and families by Hawkins et al. I would encourage you to keep blogging in your advocacy of the family and marriage. Here is mine http://thefamilyadvocate.blogspot.com/
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Let's Try It!

General Conference

This weekend is general conference and I'm sure that all of you are really looking forward to it. I know I am! While listening to general conference, make a list of things that they talk about that you can work on to improve your marriage. General conference is surely the place to get the best advice for marriage and family relationships. After making the list, display the list somewhere you can see it and review it in the morning to help remind you throughout the day. Or put them on sticky notes and display one a day so that you can focus better on just that one. The next day, put a new one up beside the first one. Try it for a week and report in a journal. Then make an effort to apply the prophetic advice through out your life.

Gretchen Rubins 21 Day Relationship Challenge

Gretchin Rubin is the author of "Happier At Home" which includes the Happiness Project. My mom and I have been reading this book and we love her cute project. So, I thought I would share it with all of you. The Relationship Challenge is stated in the book and also can come to you daily if your subscribe to her newsletter.

Day 1. Kiss in the Morning, Kiss at Night.

Day 2. Give Gold Stars (acknowledge the good)

Day 3. Make the Positive Argument (when you start to think negative, you can often make the very opposite argument just as easily.)

Day 4. Under-react to a Problem

Day 5. Give Warm Greetings and Farewells

Day 6. Dig Deep (react positively, with patience, with humor, with calmness)

Day 7. Abandon Your Self Control (When you have Christmas candy, wrap it up and put it out of sight.)

Day 8. Control the Cubicle in Your Pocket (manage your time well)

Day 9. Plan a Nice Little Surprise (Studies show that we react more strongly to an unexpected pleasure than to an expected one.)

Day 10. Follow a Threshold Ritual (Gratitude is key to a happy life.)

Day 11. Quit Nagging

Day 12. Don’t Keep Score (ex.. “I did this, so you do that…”)

Day 13. Ask for a Favor

Day 14. Get Enough Sleep

Day 15. Consider Some Hard Facts About Shared Work

-Work done by others sounds easy

-When you’re doing a job that benefits others, it’s easy to assume that they are aware of your work.

-If you care more about a task being done, you’re more likely to end up doing it.

-If you want someone else to do a task, don’t do it yourself.

Day 16. Respond to the Spirit of a Gift (someone gives you a plant and you worry about killing it, someone gives you a cookbook and you feel guilty you haven’t used it much.)

Day 17. Jump (jumping gives a shot of energy and good cheer immediately.)

Day 18. Embrace Good Smells

Day 19. Beware of Unconscious Overclaiming (It’s easy to think, ‘I’m the only one who ever….’ Remember that others are doing as much as you)

Day 20. Do Someone else’s Task (It’s generous, it’s loving, and it’s a good reminder not to take others for granted.)

Day 21. Boot Camp Perfect- For the rest of the week try to do all 20 resolutions. Even if you don’t have a perfect day, your effort will help you raise your standards for how you engage with the people you love. And in the end it’s from our relationships with other people that we gain the most happiness.

"Turn Toward Your Partner"

(Tied in with "Foundational Process #2.")

From the 'Post of the Week,' we learn that there are many things that we can do to strengthen our marriage. But here's a good summarization to help you out. Here is a list of things we should try:

1. Respond to bids for attention, affection, humor or support. An announcement of " I've had a rotten day " can be met with an acknowledgement of feelings (" I'm sorry to hear that "), a hug, and an invitation to talk more about it.

2. Make an effort to do everyday activities together, such as reading the mail or making the bed.

3. Have a stress-reduced conversation at the end of the day. This involves reuniting at the end of a busy day to see how things went, and listening to and validating one another.

4. Do something special every day to communicate affection and appreciation.

5. Keep track of how well you are connecting emotionally with each other, and make enhancements when necessary.

Try it out for a day, see how it goes. If you like the results, continue and try it for a week. : )

(Chapter 3, Foundational Process for an Enduring, Healthy Marriage by Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha)

"Focus on Your Spouse's Positive Qualities"

("Foundational Process #3")

Couples can focus on positive qualities by making and sharing lists of things they admire and appreciate about each other. These things can be personal traits, talents, something you especially like about him or her, a feature of your relationship that you like, or something positive your spouse has done.

From your list, choose 2 or 3 qualities and rehearse them silently in your mind. Put them on an index card and in places where you can see them and think about them, such as on your car dashboard, in your front pocket or purse, or on your desk or fringe. Do this daily for up to 2 weeks. Rotate different qualities from the list and repeat the activity.

"Enrich Your Marriage"

("Foundational Process #5")

Spend at least 5 hours a week stregthening your relationship.

(a) learn one thing that happened in your spouse's life each day.

(b) have a stress-reducing conversation at the end of each day.

(d) have a weekly date.

(Chapter 3, Foundational Process for an Enduring, Healthy Marriage by Gottman & Silver)

Gretchen Rubins 21 Day Relationship Challenge

I have recently started Gretchen Rubin's Challenge and it has been fun to complete it day by day. I am currently on day 8 which is "Control the Cubicle in Your Pocket" or in other words, manage your time well. Lately I have realized that I do a lot of homework and with finals week coming up, the homework is growing. My husband just started planting which consists of crazy hours and we don't see each other much except for in the morning and at 11 o clock at night. For me, this challenge seems nearly impossible but I realize that it's not because we have been counseled to spend time with our spouse and this means even when there is a bunch of homework. Lately I have found that if I get up earlier in the morning and start on my homework, I can later find time to ride with my husband in the tractor. There is time for each other, I just have to make time. I think this is what we are encouraged to do by the general authorities. They don't say, "Spend time together only if you have time." We're suppose to do everything we can to be able to spend with them, as much time as possible and I'm thankful to be able to realize that now. I have enjoyed doing this challenge and I have found that the day that I'm on is usually seriously what I need for that day. This really is a fun challenge and makes me think about the possibilities that I wasn't willing to think of before.

Our Scavenger Hunt

In my Marriage and Family class, we are challenged to do a 'learning activity' each week. This week the activity I chose to do was to plan a Family Home Evening and make plans to carry it out. I decided since it was close to Easter I wanted to do a scavenger hunt center around Christ. My little sister ran around and found the eggs by my parents and I followed her around and everyone worked together in finding out the next clue. At the end there was a gift waiting but instead of the regular candy, I explained that the Atonement is one of the greatest gifts that can be given to man. The atonement is the true reason we celebrate Easter and I hope we can all focus our thoughts on the savior this holiday. Here are some pictures to show what I did.

"Enriching Your Marriage"

This week I took the challenge of enriching my marriage. The main thing that I wanted to focus on was having a stress-reduced conversation at the end of each day. I have found that through out this week, these conversations make it so much easier to forget the 'tragedies' that went on through out the day. We still vented to each other about whatever but then it was nice to center our thoughts on each other for a bit and forget the worries of the world. We would talk about fun memories, or even stories of us growing up and random little things like that. We learned more about each other through doing this and I loved having setting aside that time to just talk. Also I tried to something special every day, for example, since St. Patricks Day was sunday, I hung a poster up that said, "Happy St. Patrick's Day! I am so Lucky to have you in my life." These little, unexpected things are fun and makes a change in your day. We then had a our weekly date just at home hanging out. We pushed aside the laundry and dishes and just hung out watching a movie and eating ice cream. This experiment has been so fun to do and I hope I can continue to do this through out our marriage because it really is important to focus on each other each day.

I can be constantly reminded of all the reasons of why I love my husband. I just put them up a few days ago and so far it as been so fun! It really does help you to remember all the things that you love. As I was coming up with my list, I found that the farther down the list I got, the easier it was to come up with more things I loved about him. And a lot of them weren't things that you would think of every day. When I put them up, it was also fun for my husband to walk around and read all the things that I had written about him. I think that it has helped him feel more appreciated and even gain the urge to do the things more often. I have loved the results so far! We'll see what happens after a full week! And if you haven't started, start now and try it out! After it's all been up for a week... I have loved doing this project! I have found that throughout the week, I actually found more and more things that I had originally forgot about. This was a testimony to me that we don't always remember all the reasons why we love our spouse and that's why it's so important to write them down and ponder them. After all, there are so many more reasons of why I love my husband than anything else and this project really does help you see that.