"Then Comes Marriage": "Then Comes Marriage"

Friday, February 22, 2013

"Then Comes Marriage"

"Then Comes Marriage," is a blog that's going to be solely on the wonderful thing we all hope to participate in someday... marriage! This website will contain lots of good material from the Presidents of the LDS church, a book titled, 'Successful Marriages and Families' by Hawkins, Dollahite and Draper, and a couple other resources along with my own personal experiences. The purpose of the blog is to help marriages stay fresh :) Why can't we be in the "honeymoon stage" forever? Keep in touch and I'll show you how you can!

1 comment:

KathyMarch 8, 2013 at 9:53 PM
Hi Krys! Love your blog! I am just starting to read it and I love the quotes you have included. What a good class! Love ya! Mom
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Let's Try It!

General Conference

This weekend is general conference and I'm sure that all of you are really looking forward to it. I know I am! While listening to general conference, make a list of things that they talk about that you can work on to improve your marriage. General conference is surely the place to get the best advice for marriage and family relationships. After making the list, display the list somewhere you can see it and review it in the morning to help remind you throughout the day. Or put them on sticky notes and display one a day so that you can focus better on just that one. The next day, put a new one up beside the first one. Try it for a week and report in a journal. Then make an effort to apply the prophetic advice through out your life.

Gretchen Rubins 21 Day Relationship Challenge

Gretchin Rubin is the author of "Happier At Home" which includes the Happiness Project. My mom and I have been reading this book and we love her cute project. So, I thought I would share it with all of you. The Relationship Challenge is stated in the book and also can come to you daily if your subscribe to her newsletter.

Day 1. Kiss in the Morning, Kiss at Night.

Day 2. Give Gold Stars (acknowledge the good)

Day 3. Make the Positive Argument (when you start to think negative, you can often make the very opposite argument just as easily.)

Day 4. Under-react to a Problem

Day 5. Give Warm Greetings and Farewells

Day 6. Dig Deep (react positively, with patience, with humor, with calmness)

Day 7. Abandon Your Self Control (When you have Christmas candy, wrap it up and put it out of sight.)

Day 8. Control the Cubicle in Your Pocket (manage your time well)

Day 9. Plan a Nice Little Surprise (Studies show that we react more strongly to an unexpected pleasure than to an expected one.)

Day 10. Follow a Threshold Ritual (Gratitude is key to a happy life.)

Day 11. Quit Nagging

Day 12. Don’t Keep Score (ex.. “I did this, so you do that…”)

Day 13. Ask for a Favor

Day 14. Get Enough Sleep

Day 15. Consider Some Hard Facts About Shared Work

-Work done by others sounds easy

-When you’re doing a job that benefits others, it’s easy to assume that they are aware of your work.

-If you care more about a task being done, you’re more likely to end up doing it.

-If you want someone else to do a task, don’t do it yourself.

Day 16. Respond to the Spirit of a Gift (someone gives you a plant and you worry about killing it, someone gives you a cookbook and you feel guilty you haven’t used it much.)

Day 17. Jump (jumping gives a shot of energy and good cheer immediately.)

Day 18. Embrace Good Smells

Day 19. Beware of Unconscious Overclaiming (It’s easy to think, ‘I’m the only one who ever….’ Remember that others are doing as much as you)

Day 20. Do Someone else’s Task (It’s generous, it’s loving, and it’s a good reminder not to take others for granted.)

Day 21. Boot Camp Perfect- For the rest of the week try to do all 20 resolutions. Even if you don’t have a perfect day, your effort will help you raise your standards for how you engage with the people you love. And in the end it’s from our relationships with other people that we gain the most happiness.

"Turn Toward Your Partner"

(Tied in with "Foundational Process #2.")

From the 'Post of the Week,' we learn that there are many things that we can do to strengthen our marriage. But here's a good summarization to help you out. Here is a list of things we should try:

1. Respond to bids for attention, affection, humor or support. An announcement of " I've had a rotten day " can be met with an acknowledgement of feelings (" I'm sorry to hear that "), a hug, and an invitation to talk more about it.

2. Make an effort to do everyday activities together, such as reading the mail or making the bed.

3. Have a stress-reduced conversation at the end of the day. This involves reuniting at the end of a busy day to see how things went, and listening to and validating one another.

4. Do something special every day to communicate affection and appreciation.

5. Keep track of how well you are connecting emotionally with each other, and make enhancements when necessary.

Try it out for a day, see how it goes. If you like the results, continue and try it for a week. : )

(Chapter 3, Foundational Process for an Enduring, Healthy Marriage by Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha)

"Focus on Your Spouse's Positive Qualities"

("Foundational Process #3")

Couples can focus on positive qualities by making and sharing lists of things they admire and appreciate about each other. These things can be personal traits, talents, something you especially like about him or her, a feature of your relationship that you like, or something positive your spouse has done.

From your list, choose 2 or 3 qualities and rehearse them silently in your mind. Put them on an index card and in places where you can see them and think about them, such as on your car dashboard, in your front pocket or purse, or on your desk or fringe. Do this daily for up to 2 weeks. Rotate different qualities from the list and repeat the activity.

"Enrich Your Marriage"

("Foundational Process #5")

Spend at least 5 hours a week stregthening your relationship.

(a) learn one thing that happened in your spouse's life each day.

(b) have a stress-reducing conversation at the end of each day.

(d) have a weekly date.

(Chapter 3, Foundational Process for an Enduring, Healthy Marriage by Gottman & Silver)

Gretchen Rubins 21 Day Relationship Challenge

I have recently started Gretchen Rubin's Challenge and it has been fun to complete it day by day. I am currently on day 8 which is "Control the Cubicle in Your Pocket" or in other words, manage your time well. Lately I have realized that I do a lot of homework and with finals week coming up, the homework is growing. My husband just started planting which consists of crazy hours and we don't see each other much except for in the morning and at 11 o clock at night. For me, this challenge seems nearly impossible but I realize that it's not because we have been counseled to spend time with our spouse and this means even when there is a bunch of homework. Lately I have found that if I get up earlier in the morning and start on my homework, I can later find time to ride with my husband in the tractor. There is time for each other, I just have to make time. I think this is what we are encouraged to do by the general authorities. They don't say, "Spend time together only if you have time." We're suppose to do everything we can to be able to spend with them, as much time as possible and I'm thankful to be able to realize that now. I have enjoyed doing this challenge and I have found that the day that I'm on is usually seriously what I need for that day. This really is a fun challenge and makes me think about the possibilities that I wasn't willing to think of before.

Our Scavenger Hunt

In my Marriage and Family class, we are challenged to do a 'learning activity' each week. This week the activity I chose to do was to plan a Family Home Evening and make plans to carry it out. I decided since it was close to Easter I wanted to do a scavenger hunt center around Christ. My little sister ran around and found the eggs by my parents and I followed her around and everyone worked together in finding out the next clue. At the end there was a gift waiting but instead of the regular candy, I explained that the Atonement is one of the greatest gifts that can be given to man. The atonement is the true reason we celebrate Easter and I hope we can all focus our thoughts on the savior this holiday. Here are some pictures to show what I did.

"Enriching Your Marriage"

This week I took the challenge of enriching my marriage. The main thing that I wanted to focus on was having a stress-reduced conversation at the end of each day. I have found that through out this week, these conversations make it so much easier to forget the 'tragedies' that went on through out the day. We still vented to each other about whatever but then it was nice to center our thoughts on each other for a bit and forget the worries of the world. We would talk about fun memories, or even stories of us growing up and random little things like that. We learned more about each other through doing this and I loved having setting aside that time to just talk. Also I tried to something special every day, for example, since St. Patricks Day was sunday, I hung a poster up that said, "Happy St. Patrick's Day! I am so Lucky to have you in my life." These little, unexpected things are fun and makes a change in your day. We then had a our weekly date just at home hanging out. We pushed aside the laundry and dishes and just hung out watching a movie and eating ice cream. This experiment has been so fun to do and I hope I can continue to do this through out our marriage because it really is important to focus on each other each day.

I can be constantly reminded of all the reasons of why I love my husband. I just put them up a few days ago and so far it as been so fun! It really does help you to remember all the things that you love. As I was coming up with my list, I found that the farther down the list I got, the easier it was to come up with more things I loved about him. And a lot of them weren't things that you would think of every day. When I put them up, it was also fun for my husband to walk around and read all the things that I had written about him. I think that it has helped him feel more appreciated and even gain the urge to do the things more often. I have loved the results so far! We'll see what happens after a full week! And if you haven't started, start now and try it out! After it's all been up for a week... I have loved doing this project! I have found that throughout the week, I actually found more and more things that I had originally forgot about. This was a testimony to me that we don't always remember all the reasons why we love our spouse and that's why it's so important to write them down and ponder them. After all, there are so many more reasons of why I love my husband than anything else and this project really does help you see that.